There was a song that goes “the best part of breaking up is when we’re making up.” For couples, this may sound romantic, but recently researchers and a Psychiatrist have found evidence that is true.
Surprisingly, arguing isn’t bad at all, as confirmed by Dr. Gail Salts, a Psychiatrist at New York-Presbyterian Hospital. She emphasized that arguing is a major form of communication, and that arguing isn’t necessarily an indicator of a failed relationship.
Arguing, in its simplest form, indicates that the couple demonstrates individuality by expressing each other’s opinions and ideas. In fact, lack of argument can also be a sign that the couple has a problem in communication.
Before you pick an argument with your partner, there are certain skills one must build with time. Dr. Saltz shared the following tips of the trade:
Don’t insist on being right
It takes two to tango, as the old adage says. But to cut the argument short, guys, just take my advice, always have the last say: “Yes, dear.”
Speak up as soon as possible
If you feel like you’re gonna blow up, speak up. Don’t hold it in and eventually end up in breaking the relationship. Just give your partner a heads up about your feeling, and if s/he truly understands you, s/he will listen.
Speaking of listening, the art of communication is when you listen before opening your mouth. Just listen, and if s/he is done explaining things, that’s the time to air out your worries.
Don’t get “historical”
The problem with any relationship, one is always the “historian.” S/he brings up the past events that should’ve been resolved years ago. If you can, focus on the present issue.
Think before you speak
Also, determine the difference between angry fighting and arguing or expressing your thoughts in a relationship. Choose your battles, learn to let go and “bite your tongue.” According to motivational speaker Elizabeth Gilbert, “You can measure the happiness of a marriage by the number of scars that each partner carries on their tongues, earned from years of biting back angry words.”
In the same manner, being quiet or silent is not a healthy way to create trust in a relationship. This will make you feel like a martyr in the end.
Therefore, a trusting and loving relationship can argue without being angry.
Arguing allows couples to be more passionate, some couples claim that sex after an intense argument is more enjoyable. The explanation to this is simple, hormones increase and so with blood pressure during an argument and sex is a form of release.
Remember, words are powerful, it could kill or break someone emotionally and mentally. We can choose to use this force constructively with words of encouragement, or destructively use words of despair.
Again before you argue with your partner, remember that mutual respect, love, compromise, compassion, and trust are important factors of a healthy relationship.